A few months ago, I was driving home from a client visit, on I-495 in Foxboro, Massachusetts when an unexpected event changed my schedule.

I was enjoying the ride home, cruising along at 75 MPH, and feeling quite content. A client meeting had gone superbly, the weather was beautiful, and I was counting my blessings, but as I approached mile marker 36, everything got strange.

An avid motorcyclist, I have a habit of checking my mirrors often, but in this moment, it seemed like something took a hold of my head and jerked it up to look in the rearview, while at the same time this incredible sense of urgency pushed up from somewhere in my solar plexus.

WHAT?

It’s amazing what heightened senses and reflexes can do. I’ll play back the thoughts and choices that happened in a flash of a second:

“Gold Lincoln Town Car” “Too fast!” “Not slowing.” “He’s going to hit me!” “I have five car lengths ahead of me.” “Hit the Gas!”

There was no horn or other warning—just what seemed like a giant silver grill on a 4,500-lb. gold . . . → Read More: Accidents and the Law of Attraction]]>

A few months ago, I was driving home from a client visit, on I-495 in Foxboro, Massachusetts when an unexpected event changed my schedule.

I was enjoying the ride home, cruising along at 75 MPH, and feeling quite content. A client meeting had gone superbly, the weather was beautiful, and I was counting my blessings, but as I approached mile marker 36, everything got strange.

An avid motorcyclist, I have a habit of checking my mirrors often, but in this moment, it seemed like something took a hold of my head and jerked it up to look in the rearview, while at the same time this incredible sense of urgency pushed up from somewhere in my solar plexus.

WHAT?

It’s amazing what heightened senses and reflexes can do. I’ll play back the thoughts and choices that happened in a flash of a second:

“Gold Lincoln Town Car”
“Too fast!”
“Not slowing.”
“He’s going to hit me!”
“I have five car lengths ahead of me.”
“Hit the Gas!”

There was no horn or other warning—just what seemed like a giant silver grill on a 4,500-lb. gold missile hell-bound for my ass-end.

I am fortunate to have a responsive car.  At 75 MPH, I can stomp the gas pedal, the car will downshift, the turbo will kick in, and I the car will do over 90 MPH in about 3 seconds.

On the physical level, this probably saved my life. The Lincoln must have been doing over 100 MPH, because even as I accelerated, and its driver braked to avoid me, the the car collided with my rear bumper with enough force to snap me like a whip in my seat, and cause some bruises and sore joints in the process.

To be continued…

***

So why do accidents happen? How could something like this happen to a Law of Attraction practitioner, coach, and teacher? How could this happen on a day when I was feeling so good?

The word “accident” generally means an unfortunate, unexpected event. OK, to state the obvious: the unexpected is only unexpected because we aren’t looking for it. Perhaps we haven’t paid attention to upstream thoughts, or conflicts between desires and beliefs. Perhaps we were asking for a way out of something, and that way out is not something we would not choose with our fully conscious mind, but is something that LOA presents as an elegant answer to the conflict between our desires and our  habitual thoughts (including our beliefs) and attention.

In Jane Roberts’ “The Nature Of Personal Reality,” Seth tells us “Your thoughts blossom into events,” and that “There are no accidents in cosmic terms, or in terms of the world as you know it.”  He goes on later in the book to inform us that accidents, like illnesses, can have their origination in creativity. They can be a way of unifying parts of the self, creating challenges, or bleeding off negative energy.  Abraham-Hicks tells us that we the universe responds to our vibration, and the stories that we tell ourselves that get the most “air-time” are the ones that will (eventually) manifest.

But what good is an understanding and practice of LOA, if, in spite of our best efforts, something like this can STILL happen?

Practicing LOA eases the ego to health, and greater transparency (so we can begin to sense more of who we are, and express more of our true selves, while retaining our sense of “I”).

Practicing LOA thus allows us to loosen the resistance that cuts us off room our inner richness, and connection with our source—increasing both the joy we feel in the moment, and our capacity to feel and express even greater joy in the future.

More desire = more energized life, greater longevity.

Practicing LOA in order to avoid accidents is a sub-optimal approach, and misses the point of the value of LOA in our lives. When the contrast of an accident or any kind of suffering comes into our lives, that contrast is an opportunity to correct vibrational resistance that is keeping us from our desires, our highest interest, and our joy.

Suffering is not punishment.
Suffering is not failure.
Suffering is not noble.

Suffering, or life contrast, is our built-in mechanism for putting us back on the path to what we really want. While in some situations suffering can reveal our gifts and our strengths, the overarching aim is to teach us now not to suffer, and in the process, open the way for more joy, more freedom, and if you prefer, a more powerful, clear-channel connection with our Divinity.

Depending on where you are right now with contrast in your life, this message could prove difficult to hear, but rest assured that the final point is an empowering one: you have choice, you have power, your life is your own.

***

After I was hit, I threaded my way through the traffic to the breakdown lane as the Lincoln did the same. We pulled to a stop in tandem, and I carefully opened my door and stepped out of the car.

On the way to greet the Lincoln driver, I glanced at my rear bumper, and my mouth fell open. Save for a tiny scratch, there wasn’t any damage at all. I took a look at the Lincoln’s front end, and except for a license plate that was bent perfectly to wrap around my bumper (formed that way from the impact), it also was without damage.

The driver was from Denmark. The Lincoln was a rental car. The driver said he was going so fast and hit me because he “lost consciousness.”

So, what was my lesson from the car accident?

There isn’t one. There never is. There is only feedback to our vibration.

In other words, if you really know Law of Attraction, you also know that everything is vibrational, and so there really is only one “lesson” ever, and that is:

This is where my habitual thoughts and attention and intention (and resulting vibration) brought me, and if I want something different, then I want to change my habitual thoughts, attention and intention—I want to tell a new story.

At the time, I was in the habit of splitting myself in multiple directions with a sense that I couldn’t cover all the bases. I was feeling a bit rushed, and those thoughts were  energetically slowing me down. In other words, by feeling rushed, I was actually falling behind.

Students of LOA know that anything that throws us out of alignment with our flow of wellbeing will also delay or distort our manifestation. When our thought, intention, and attention are  running contrary to the outcomes we are looking for, we suffer. I could have experienced this disfunction as “hitting a road block,” but another way of manifesting it externally was getting hit from behind by the momentum of my aspirations. In other words, I had set the pace of the race with desire and intent, and then fell behind by entertaining thoughts and directing my attention in ways that slowed me down.

The fix? I had to speed up, so that a hit from behind wouldn’t hurt. And what did that look like psychologically? Choosing thoughts, and paying attention to things that would energize and keep me on pace with what I was putting out there, and not what would slow me down and create resistance.

The fact that the driver said that he had “lost consciousness” made him eerily like my own subconscious* mind—on an autopilot that I had set, and not capable of the adroit changes in direction and speed that my conscious mind can easily perform. I was not so subtly reminded to keep ahead of what I am programming!

The “Lincoln Event” shook me up, brought me right to the present, and without any real damage, called me to examine some thoughts and beliefs that were slowing me down. Though I wouldn’t want to repeat the incident, I am grateful for that bounce from behind that has lead to freer, more elegant forward motion.

“We have relationships with everything we perceive, whether that is an object, event, or a person. Our authenticity depends on our authentic response to that relationship, and what is appropriate within that context.

Therefore, authenticity is not ‘speaking one’s truth no matter what,’ but is about responding in truth to what the relationship is calling for.”  

~Mark Petruzzi

What does authenticity mean to you? Your beliefs and attitudes about the concept of authenticity may have a significant impact on the creation and co-creation of your relationships with others. Recently, a Psychology Today blog by Vivian Diller got me to thinking about this subject to even greater depths than I had before. The result? My current thinking goes something like this:

There are three aspects to authenticity.

The first requirement is that my desires have some connection with WHO I am. I wouldn’t get cosmetic surgery for fear of not meeting some consensus standard, or to impress according to some cosmetic standard (though for SOME cosmetic surgery IS an authentic action).  I . . . → Read More: What does Authenticity Mean to You?]]>

“We have relationships with everything we perceive, whether that is an object, event, or a person. Our authenticity depends on our authentic response to that relationship, and what is appropriate within that context.

Therefore, authenticity is not ‘speaking one’s truth no matter what,’ but is about responding in truth to what the relationship is calling for.”  

~Mark Petruzzi

What does authenticity mean to you? Your beliefs and attitudes about the concept of authenticity may have a significant impact on the creation and co-creation of your relationships with others. Recently, a Psychology Today blog by Vivian Diller got me to thinking about this subject to even greater depths than I had before. The result? My current thinking goes something like this:

There are three aspects to authenticity.

The first requirement is that my desires have some connection with WHO I am. I wouldn’t get cosmetic surgery for fear of not meeting some consensus standard, or to impress according to some cosmetic standard (though for SOME cosmetic surgery IS an authentic action).  I won’t buy a certain brand because others revere it. For me, the aforementioned choices would mean compliance, and compliance is hardly ever my first choice. I am not judging a different approach, but I am saying that for me, that kind of choice wouldn’t fit my idea of a real me. My approach to authenticity requires that the majority of my desires about how I represent myself have connections to my heartfelt and gut-felt preferences.

The second is alignment between my core values, desires, and preferences, with my choices. When I am aligned like this, folks can sense I’m centered and feeling good and I “present”  as an authentic person regardless of what I do.  Folks can sense realness.  I may use the same smartphone as a person next to me who bought theirs just because it is considered cool, but I assure you that I bought mine because it genuinely fits me. You can read more about my ideas on life alignment at my other Website.

The third part is about regulating how much of my inner life I share with others. Whatever amount that is, I allow it to be 100% authentic,  BUT, I regulate the amount I share as relative to what I perceive are the “requirements” of the relationship.

In other words, I shoot for 100% authentic about what I reveal, but reveal only what is appropriate to the level of intimacy in the relationship. This reduces the risk of me crashing someone else’s boundaries under the auspices of “speaking my truth” as I have seen so many do. I hope this makes sense to my readers.

On the other hand, as an artist, I sometimes embellish a story in song,  or adjust a photograph to get across how I experienced or related to the object,  scene, person, or event, rather than relate it as a dry, super-realistic, rendering. Is this authentic?  If I am not contriving, and convey my feeling in the art, I believe it is. If I just use special effects to “get tricky,” I believe I’m just executing a formula, and am not as authentic as I could be.

What are your beliefs and approaches to authenticity?  What are  your expectations of others?

Added Later: I’d like to further clarify something about alignment as critical to authenticity. When our choices and actions (including what we say) are in alignment with and reflect what we really want, we come off more real and more authentic than if we aren’t acting in alignment with, or paying attention to this critical aspect of our lives (knowing and acting on what we really want).

Getting to what we really want isn’t always easy. With the loud din of consensus reality influences (marketing, the news cycle, “authorities”, etc.) in our ears, how to we “cut through?”

I find it useful to ask if my desires are aligned with certain core values that I have. As I am making choices during the day, I get a sense of my direction that includes the following considerations:

Is this desire aligned with bringing more joy (as opposed to “mere” pleasure)?  Is this desire aligned with a loving direction? Will this desire bring more freedom, or less? Considering this desire, do I sense a feeling of expansion or constriction?

You may have your own way of “checking in” with self, and I highly recommend some form of this “inner life practice.”

Well, there is nothing wrong with positive thinking, itself. The real issue lies with the absurd misconceptions some folks have (and lately quite a few bloggers) about what practicing a positive outlook means. These in turn lead to failed implementations, and blow-back, and more downer blogs on positive thinking.

True positivity has nothing to do with covering over negativity. It has nothing to do with ignoring relationship difficulties or employee issues to achieve a false harmony. It has nothing to do with pasting affirmations over disturbing thoughts or memories (which can do more harm than good). It has nothing to do with suppressing anger or other “non-evolved” (what a joke) emotions that are a natural part of the most evolved person and which can prove quite helpful when recognized for what they are and used appropriately.

Positive thinking is about acknowledging and understanding what we experience as negative, and then choosing a focus that brings our perception to the value in any situation. Whether what troubles us is a perceived flaw in ourselves, or behavior of another, or . . . → Read More: What’s the Problem with Positive Thinking?]]>

Well, there is nothing wrong with positive thinking, itself. The real issue lies with the absurd misconceptions some folks have (and lately quite a few bloggers) about what practicing a positive outlook means. These in turn lead to failed implementations, and blow-back, and more downer blogs on positive thinking.

True positivity has nothing to do with covering over negativity. It has nothing to do with ignoring relationship difficulties or employee issues to achieve a false harmony. It has nothing to do with pasting affirmations over disturbing thoughts or memories (which can do more harm than good). It has nothing to do with suppressing anger or other “non-evolved” (what a joke) emotions that are a natural part of the most evolved person and which can prove quite helpful when recognized for what they are and used appropriately.

Positive thinking is about acknowledging and understanding what we experience as negative, and then choosing a focus that brings our perception to the value in any situation. Whether what troubles us is a perceived flaw in ourselves, or behavior of another, or the weather, or whatever, a habit of positive thinking means that we will incrementally work our way to seeing what good is there, or what good we can make of it.

Positive thinking is about seeing the new thought and action choices that can come from experiencing something we don’t want, and that will bring us closer to those things we do want, and those experiences we will value.

Positive thinking is about focusing on the value in ourselves, so that acting from that value, we can pursue our desires and cherished aspirations, make more valuable choices, and take valuable appropriate action. This last might include risking some conflict to stand up for what we believe in, even while we are seeing the value of the diversity that is behind our perception of risk.

Positive thinking is about seeing the value in others—as Benjamin Zander suggests, giving everyone we meet an “A” right off. See and expect value in others, and you’ll most often realize it. When you don’t, time to see the value of that experience, too.

Positive thinking is about looking for different perspectives, finding one we like, and then using it to enhance our search for meaning, value, joy.

Positive thinking then, is not at all about avoidance, but is instead an invitation to bring our will, and our eagerness to learn and grow, to take control of our focus, and to master our gift of perception.

This is more difficult to do with some individuals and events than others (in a quantum sense, even objects are events), but it is not as difficult as most folks make it out to be. In fact, I will use an example of my own experience to illustrate how it can work, and then I will introduce a woman who writes with hope and positive focus, from Sendiai, Japan—from the middle of what most of us consider an awful crises.

My Windy Bicycle Ride

• 6:30 AM: Beautiful out there! (Checks temp, but not wind.)
• 6:31 AM: “I think I’ll hope on the Cannondale and take a 10-mile ride.”
• 6:45 AM: All stretched, bike shoes on, head out to the garage to take the bike off the rack: “Hmpf, a little windy…”
• 7:00 AM: After the first ¼-mile: “%&$, this wind is tough!”
• 7:05 AM: “Shouldn’t have gone out. Damned wind. This is not fun.”
• 7:10 AM: After a particularly strong gust: “Maybe I could catch a break here!” (Out loud, to the wind.)
• 7:10:01 AM: “I’m a wellness advocate, inspirational speaker, and a teacher, for heaven’s sake. Shame on me. I can do better than that.”
• 7:10:02 AM: “Maybe I can give myself a break. I’ll drop a gear and work with the wind a bit” (That thought feels better.)
• 7:10:04 AM: “Huh, I remember a company that made a parachute-shaped jacket, so that cyclists could get a better work out when there is no wind. Some athletes would PAY for this wind. I am getting a great workout!” (Feeling even better.)
• 7:10:10 AM: “Aircraft take off into the wind. It’s the literally the attitude (angle) of the plane into the wind that makes it take off. Great analogy, Mark!” (Feeling even better after self-congratulation, and insight provided by windy experience—value.)
• 7:10:20 AM: Noticing the beautiful landscape of a nearby home on my route: “Huh… going a little more slowly (while getting a great workout) has it’s benefits… never even noticed that before… beautiful. “(Feeling even better, now.)
• 7:16:01 AM: Listening to the wind through the trees as I ride: “Man it is just beautiful out here, and the wind is actually adding to my experience now…” (Wow, what a change from earlier in the ride!)

I hope this little experience of mine illustrates how real positive thinking works. All I did was shift my focus to REAL value in the situation, and I did it in small, incremental, steps. I didn’t make up something that wasn’t so, or in one fell swoop affirm that I could beat the wind—or turn around. I simply saw the wind for the value it added to my experience. At the end of the ride, I was able to look back and truly appreciate my experience.

And now for more powerful, inspiring example. The link below is to the Blog of Anne Thomas, who’s letter from Sendai, Japan has gone viral (and quite a few blogs have failed to attribute it properly). It’s full of hope, and also instructional in the beauty and power of true, positive perspective. I link to Ann’s site rather than copy her post here, so that those who wish to contribute to the relief fund may do so through Anne’s site.

The Link

How do you practice positive thinking and/or positivity? Is it a factor in your day-to-day life? Please don’t hesitate to comment…

~MKP

How shall we define success? Most of us use the word “success” for a variety of meanings. There’s the kind of success when we win something we want to win at. There’s the kind of success that we apply to those who have achieved some kind of significant milestone or admirable outcome. For example, many would agree that those who have earned or attracted financial abundance, widely recognized expertise, or stature are successful in some way.

But let’s aim broader in our definition of success. Let’s consider overall life success—Success with a  big “S,” as opposed to “this moment’s win” kind of success.

I’ll begin with a straightforward proposal: that achieving overall life Success need not depend on winning, but can depend instead on how we feel about what we have, what we are going for, and how we are going for what we’re going for. Don’t worry, if you are not successful by this suggested definition of success, you are but a few thoughts away from getting closer to it.

So, let’s play with . . . → Read More: Reaching for a Better Definition of Success]]>

How shall we define success? Most of us use the word “success” for a variety of meanings. There’s the kind of success when we win something we want to win at. There’s the kind of success that we apply to those who have achieved some kind of significant milestone or admirable outcome. For example, many would agree that those who have earned or attracted financial abundance, widely recognized expertise, or stature are successful in some way.

But let’s aim broader in our definition of success. Let’s consider overall life success—Success with a  big “S,” as opposed to “this moment’s win” kind of success.

I’ll begin with a straightforward proposal: that achieving overall life Success need not depend on winning, but can depend instead on how we feel about what we have, what we are going for, and how we are going for what we’re going for. Don’t worry, if you are not successful by this suggested definition of success, you are but a few thoughts away from getting closer to it.

So, let’s play with the idea that our level of Success (big “S”) is the level of “great” we’re feeling about our life or life process right now.

If I am full of optimism about where I am going, then I am Successful. If I am appreciative of where I am now, and who I am now, and I am full of new dreams and desires and am eager to get up and get out and live life, I am Successful.

True Success, then, by the above definition, depends not as much on what we’re doing, as it does what we’re thinking and feeling (on the gut, or heart level) about what we’re doing and how we’re doing it.

This kind of success is that place we are when we’re engaged in something inspiring, or on our way to something inspiring, or getting to know someone inspiring, or leading from inspiration. This kind of Success is more verb than noun.

If we are not currently in this kind of Success, we have three choices:

• Change what we are doing.
• Change our thinking about what we are doing.
• Remain unSuccessful.

If we are currently unSuccessful (by this blog’s definition), then the good news is that no matter where we are in life, getting Successful isn’t very far away—as long as we know how make the new choices that will put us back “in Success.”

In the spirit of making further distinction between success (small “s”) and Success (large “S”): If you have a lot of money, but you don’t feel great about what you are doing or where you are going, you are not Successful. You are abundant with money, but by this blog’s definition, not Successful.

You’ve achieved success (small “s”) in creating one kind of abundance, but it’s not Success (big “S”), unless it is absolutely all you need to feel great about where you are right now and where you are going.

In fact, I’ll venture it’s rare that an individual is completely satisfied by material abundance, if such a person exists at all. Most of the Successful (big “S”) people I know who are happy and have an abundance of money, are not all that focused on the money. On the contrary: in such cases it is far more common that these individuals enjoy whatever game or discipline they were involved in, pursued or participated in it with focus and passion, and thus ended up with abundance of money as a result of focus and passion and in many cases—joyful action—and not because they were chasing wealth as their cure for unhappiness.

If you want the Universe to smile, try smiling first.

If you’ve accomplished a business goal, but don’t feel good about how you came about doing it, you aren’t Successful. If you’ve won a game, but you chose to break rules to do it—and so you can’t feel great about who you were in all that—well, you are not Successful.

You don’t have to have any “thing” or have achieved any milestone to have Success, though it is much easier to achieve goals and hit milestones and create abundance working with Success a process.

And if (personally) you’ve failed the definition of Success (so far), it’s really not a problem, because Success is just a few new thoughts away.

Success is about the thoughts about what you are doing (there are no typos in that last sentence). The thoughts produce feelings. And from where I sit, Success is something you feel, not do.

One great way to get “in Success” is to think about what you are contributing—however small or large—to the lives of others. Follow this up with appreciation for your ability to contribute in this way, and then appreciation for the folks who are contributing to your life, and who are appreciating your contribution. Are you starting to feel more successful?

Now, some folks will ask, “If I am feeling Successful about where I am now, what’s the incentive to go for more?”

Good question. Rest assured, because of the Desire Engine in all of us, no matter how successful you feel about where you are now, you will always have another desire pulling at you, and hopefully inspiring you to ever more growth and abundance. That said, the question regarding why you are going for more of anything, is also a very good one (not because you shouldn’t, but because going for new desires is good, and you want to know the honest reasons for doing so).

Start recognizing those thoughts that make you feel unSuccessful, and either put the lie to them, or follow them to new preferences that will bring feelings of Success (“I know I didn’t like that, now what do I want?“)

Start seeing yourself as successful. Start today. Find appreciation for both wins and failures, though both are but transient bits of life that many of us take far too seriously.

Look for inspiration or value in every interaction or connection—family, friends, co-workers and strangers—there’s always something there for you.

Sense the value of delivering from the strength of who you are, regardless of what you’ve accomplished so far, or who you know.

Choose self-accountability. Default to what you can or could do and how you can help, whenever possible.

Trade judgement (good or bad), for ongoing assessment and “working hypothesis.” Allow for different paths and the awesome diversity that the world provides. This will release resistance and stress, and allow for more avenues for success.

Last, but not least, try cultivating a playful attitude towards both Success and abundance! Treat both as a you would a lively, energizing guest you’d like to receive in your home. If you called this intended guest every day, and instisted that he or she come over, how far do you think you would get? On the other hand,  if you are playful, and energized, and this guest was attracted to you, he or she would look forward to seeing you, and come calling more often. That’s the kind of relationship you want to have with Success and abundance.

Going at Success in this way, you can enjoy it beginning from any socioeconomic status or starting point, doing almost anything. There’s a real advantage in that, both psychological and practical. You can go for more wealth. You can go for more love or intimacy. You can go for better communication. You can go for better health—whatever—while maintaining a Successful attitude.

At the same time, you can have Success before going for any of the above. In fact, getting “into Success,” or into Successful mindset, is the quickest way to more wealth and greater wellbeing, and that’s good news.

~MKP

I think that confusion comes when we see “passion” and “obsession/addiction” as related conditions. For me, the distinction between the   former and the latter is pretty clear-cut.

Passion is almost always about moving *towards* something for positive reasons, while addiction/obsession is almost always about engaging in a powerful distraction to *escape* something unwanted. That “something unwanted” is often emotional pain, but a sense of powerlessness is also a huge driver for aberrant behaviors.

Those of us who have known the bliss that can result from realized passion understand that it is not about mere pleasure, but comes from a nexus of pleasure and thriving inner self/heart… a supreme alignment not achievable through obsession or addiction. While obsession/addiction can bring overwhelming intoxication, we know that intoxication is but a bad facsimile of true bliss.

Law of Attraction Postscript

Those of us who study the law . . . → Read More: Passion vs. Addiction]]> This post was transferred here from my SuccessWaypoint.com site. It was originally posted there on March 26, 2010.

Lately, I am coming across blog posts and articles that appear to have trouble reconciling the idea of following one’s passion or bliss with what they see as possible destructive outcomes of taking that that course.

I think that confusion comes when we see “passion” and “obsession/addiction” as related conditions. For me, the distinction between the   former and the latter is pretty clear-cut.

Passion is almost always about moving *towards* something for positive reasons, while addiction/obsession is almost always about engaging in a powerful distraction to *escape* something unwanted. That “something unwanted” is often emotional pain, but a sense of powerlessness is also a huge driver for aberrant behaviors.

Those of us who have known the bliss that can result from realized passion understand that it is not about mere pleasure, but comes from a nexus of pleasure and thriving inner self/heart… a supreme alignment not achievable through obsession or addiction. While obsession/addiction can bring overwhelming intoxication, we know that intoxication is but a bad facsimile of true bliss.

Law of Attraction Postscript

Those of us who study the law of attraction do well do consider that any “passion” for a fight against something may well qualify as an addiction or obsession instead. Why? Because in Law of Attraction terms a drive against something is not moving in the direction of something wanted, a positive, but is instead taking our vibration in the direction of something unwanted, or negative (from our perspective).  We get what we pay attention to.

Deeper digging (feeling) in such a situation often reveals the motivation is distraction from other work or a more expansive direction that we might enjoy, but just as often the “pushing against” is simply a bad habit—a bad habit of thought, if you will.

In these terms it is much better to act and think with a passion for freedom, wellbeing, and sharing our gifts, than to rail against injustice, or strike out in the world as if it is broken and in need of our saving.

The last time I Googled “preventive medicine” (earlier this afternoon), my search returned more than 10 Million results. Clearly, it’s an established idea, but I resent the implication of the term: that without some kind of specific medical action to the contrary, I’m tending towards illness, rather than wellness.

I admit that it’s tempting to look at something like proper dental care as preventive, but I don’t like what “preventive” does to our mental attitude, so I run my mind a bit differently.

I like to anticipate wellness and wellbeing. For the most part, I allow wellness. “Allowing wellness” is good for about 2 Million hits on Google. It is what I would like to see promoted instead of “preventive medicine” or even “proactive medicine” except in those rare cases when “preventive medicine” makes more sense in a sentence (like when talking about fluoride treatments on teeth), and there I use “proactive care.”

Even in cases where I reluctantly give the nod to proactive care, I do so reminding myself that I am contributing to my body’s natural tendency toward wellbeing, and not fending off . . . → Read More: The Problem with “Preventive Medicine”]]>

The last time I Googled “preventive medicine” (earlier this afternoon), my search returned more than 10 Million results. Clearly, it’s an established idea, but I resent the implication of the term: that without some kind of specific medical action to the contrary, I’m tending towards illness, rather than wellness.

I admit that it’s tempting to look at something like proper dental care as preventive, but I don’t like what “preventive” does to our mental attitude, so I run my mind a bit differently.

I like to anticipate wellness and wellbeing. For the most part, I allow wellness. “Allowing wellness” is good for about 2 Million hits on Google. It is what I would like to see promoted instead of “preventive medicine” or even “proactive medicine” except in those rare cases when “preventive medicine” makes more sense in a sentence (like when talking about fluoride treatments on teeth), and there I use “proactive care.”

Even in cases where I reluctantly give the nod to proactive care, I do so reminding myself that I am contributing to my body’s natural tendency toward wellbeing, and not fending off disaster that’s just waiting to crash my immune defenses, or hobble me through the aging process.

The idea that we could just “allow” our bodies to heal or even thrive on their own is at best a stretch for most allopaths, and at worst represents an adversarial position. I can understand. When one is dealing with treating imbalance all day long, it’s not easy to hold, let alone nurture, a vision of balance that happens all by itself.

Not only that, but only a fool would argue against the fact that many existing illnesses do benefit from some kind of medical intervention in the form of correction or therapy—especially in the case of trauma.

But even in the case of trauma, our medicine is NOT doing the healing. The body system is. In such a case, the medicine is therapy, or is taking some stress from the body, or provides some boost to the body so that the body can do it’s work. A splint relieves stress from the broken arm, but doesn’t heal it.

Allowing wellness doesn’t mean inaction or antipathy towards healthful practice. It implies important choices that we make that will allow the powerful natural healing ability of the body, mind, and sprit to move towards wellbeing. In fact, when we practice both allowing wellness, and proactive care, we do many of the same things we did when we were practicing prevention, but we do them with a different attitude.

• Instead of exercising to avoid getting fat, or reduce our chances of heart disease etc., we joyfully take up exercise to oxygenate our brain and other cells; build strength and stamina; improve our metabolism and thus our healing ability; to feel light and more graceful; and wear clothes we like (these reasons are just examples, you’ll have your very own positive reasons).

• Instead of eating “right” or dieting to avoid high blood pressure and avoid getting fat  and put off this or that dreaded disease we’ve been brainwashed into believing is right around the corner from us, we might instead seek out the foods that make our own unique chemistry feel “lighter” or more energetic, and avoid those that make us feel “heavier” or sap our energy. Occasionally we might chose a fattening treat for the sheer joy of it, but we won’t overdo it, because we like feeling better overall more than we like the taste of something fattening.

• Instead of a more or less permanent dependency on the latest medication, we might explore new combinations of food and alternative forms of exercise—we might even take up regular meditation or look to revise certain habits of thought that are stressing our body’s ability to cope, and thus restore the balance of wellbeing to ourselves.

• Instead of going to the doctor giving up all our authority for a pronouncement of good or bad on this or that body system, we might see our medical practitioners as consultants advising us, but also answering our questions directly and honestly, and taking some direction from us on how we would like to approach our wellbeing.

When we take a more holistic view of our wellbeing: seeing ourselves as a system of spirit, mind, and body, and knowing that stresses anywhere in that system will impact the other parts, we have a better idea of what is required to allow wellness. I’m for a new vocabulary and new way of speaking about both illness and wellness.

Start today thinking in terms of allowing wellness. This change in inner and outer language will support an attitude of greater trust in your ability to heal, and attract new ideas and choices into your awareness.

Please feel free to comment with your own insights and vocabulary suggestions on this topic!

Following up on my “should” topic, let’s take a look at another group of energy-sucking phrases.

There are very few things we have to do or need to do, and everything else is choice.**

In fact, if I talked with you right now, I bet I could trace almost all your have-tos and need-tos to earlier choices that you made quite voluntarily. In other words, you might think you have to, but you only have to because you want something else. It’s that simple.

But you pay an emotional price when you walk around saying, “I have to” and “I need to.” You even pay a price by saying “I need” all by itself.

Need implies lack, and your subconscious hears need phrases as “something’s missing.” Need phrases are probably second only to should-statements in their capability to sink your mood-ship with a series of small holes.

“I need to… I have to… I feel like I’m pushing this boulder of ‘have-tos’ around all day.”

Try phrasing your desires as “I want” instead. Try it now. Take . . . → Read More: “Have To” and “Need To” vs. “Want To”]]>

Following up on my “should” topic, let’s take a look at another group of energy-sucking phrases.

• “Have to”
• “Need to”
• “I must”

There are very few things we have to do or need to do, and everything else is choice.**

In fact, if I talked with you right now, I bet I could trace almost all your have-tos and need-tos to earlier choices that you made quite voluntarily. In other words, you might think you have to, but you only have to because you want something else. It’s that simple.

But you pay an emotional price when you walk around saying, “I have to” and “I need to.” You even pay a price by saying “I need” all by itself.

Need implies lack, and your subconscious hears need phrases as “something’s missing.” Need phrases are probably second only to should-statements in their capability to sink your mood-ship with a series of small holes.

“I need to… I have to… I feel like I’m pushing this boulder of ‘have-tos’ around all day.”

Try phrasing your desires as “I want” instead. Try it now. Take a few things you “have to” do today, and instead say them out loud with “Today, I want to…”  Notice how you feel. Notice any subtle changes in mood direction as you alternate back and forth.

• Try: “I’d really like to get a wash done right now.”and not: ”I have to do a wash.”

• Try: “I really want to get to this meeting, because it is important to what I am trying to accomplish.” and not: ”I really need to get to this meeting.”

• Try: “I chose this job, and this report is part of it. I’ll feel better if I get it done, so I’d like to get it done as quickly and accurately as possible, and get back to the fun stuff.” instead of:  ”I hate that I have to do this report as part of my job.”

Build on your want statements during the day. Set up segments of your day, and events, with want statements.

“I’d like to…”

“I’m looking forward to…”

“I want…”

Pretty soon you start seeing a day full of choices, instead of self-imposed slavery. Try it!

Please feel free to share any approaches  you may have phrasing your day.  Thank for reading!

**Some say we “need love,” but I’ve read cognitive therapists who would disagree: once in adulthood, we want to love more than we need love. Most would agree that breathing, and other bodily needs and functions are among our actual needs, but there are philosophers and spiritual leaders who might even disagree there. From the perspective of some, there is no death, only a change of consciousness. If this is true, even physical needs become choices. From my perspective, almost anything feels better phrased as something I like, love or want.