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  • Another weekend pic: the Farmington Flats at dusk. 11 days ago February 11, 2012
  • Pity and worry are power-less; compassion is #power-full 12 days ago February 11, 2012
  • Believing in fate is power-less; deliberate creation is #power-full. 12 days ago February 11, 2012
  • Agreed. Nor does going through the motions of character without connection to inner life. 5 hours ago February 23, 2012
  • If you don't appreciate who you are right now, you haven't used your challenges to their fullest value. 7 hours ago February 23, 2012
  • I used to tell my kids, "If you're working too hard to make it fit, something's wrong. You're missing a key. What's the key?" 7 hours ago February 23, 2012

The Problem with “Preventive Medicine”

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The last time I Googled “preventive medicine” (earlier this afternoon), my search returned more than 10 Million results. Clearly, it’s an established idea, but I resent the implication of the term: that without some kind of specific medical action to the contrary, I’m tending towards illness, rather than wellness.

I admit that it’s tempting to look at something like proper dental care as preventive, but I don’t like what “preventive” does to our mental attitude, so I run my mind a bit differently.

I like to anticipate wellness and wellbeing. For the most part, I allow wellness. “Allowing wellness” is good for about 2 Million hits on Google. It is what I would like to see promoted instead of “preventive medicine” or even “proactive medicine” except in those rare cases when “preventive medicine” makes more sense in a sentence (like when talking about fluoride treatments on teeth), and there I use “proactive care.”

Even in cases where I reluctantly give the nod to proactive care, I do so reminding myself that I am contributing to my body’s natural tendency toward wellbeing, and not fending off . . . → Read More: The Problem with “Preventive Medicine”

“Have To” and “Need To” vs. “Want To”

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Following up on my “should” topic, let’s take a look at another group of energy-sucking phrases.

“Have to” “Need to” “I must”

There are very few things we have to do or need to do, and everything else is choice.**

In fact, if I talked with you right now, I bet I could trace almost all your have-tos and need-tos to earlier choices that you made quite voluntarily. In other words, you might think you have to, but you only have to because you want something else. It’s that simple.

But you pay an emotional price when you walk around saying, “I have to” and “I need to.” You even pay a price by saying “I need” all by itself.

Need implies lack, and your subconscious hears need phrases as “something’s missing.” Need phrases are probably second only to should-statements in their capability to sink your mood-ship with a series of small holes.

“I need to… I have to… I feel like I’m pushing this boulder of ‘have-tos’ around all day.”

Try phrasing your desires as “I want” instead. Try it now. Take . . . → Read More: “Have To” and “Need To” vs. “Want To”

Five Reasons to Dump “Should” from Your Life

“You don’t have to replace ‘should’ in every thought and communication cold-turkey. Just replacing a few habitual “shoulds” will make a difference in mood and energy, and it gets easier once you create some momentum.”

I guess I should begin… oops! I’d like to start out with a characterization of the word “should.” There are few more self-righteous, stress-producing, and energy-sapping words than “should.” In fact, in his book Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy, Dr. David D. Burns, a cognitive therapist, treats “should statements” as direct contributors to cognitive distortions, and devotes considerable space to revising these dysfunctional thoughts for the good of anyone seeking to improve their mood. Should strips us of our authority, and puts it outside us in some power or arbitrary rule or belief that takes our choice away, and enslaves us. Should is the basis of artificial guilt, a useless, punishing, emotion. . . . → Read More: Five Reasons to Dump “Should” from Your Life